omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
