I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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