She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
