the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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