Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
