Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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