worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
