let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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