Apparently you make a good broom.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was not drunk enough for that final.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
