I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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