Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
