I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
