Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
