nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
