We won't sleep together?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
