yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
