I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
