i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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