I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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