my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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