Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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