I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
