Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
