my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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