My pussy is not your playground.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
