oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
