I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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