THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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