i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
