The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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