You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
