oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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