wakey wakey hands off snakey
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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