Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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