May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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