This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
