I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I believe in your delicious
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
