I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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