This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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