i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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