"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
