i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
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Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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