The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
