OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
