I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
