You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
