after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
