I wish I could punch you in the face.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
