i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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