Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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