Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
