I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
