i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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