Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
