we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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