dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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