I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
