If that was your dad, he is hot
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
