thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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