like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
