There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
