***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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