Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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