Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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