he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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