I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
