WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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