I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
